Last full day

This morning we planned on going out to the building site to help work on some of houses that are being built for some of the families in the garbage dump. Although the families currently live in the dump, the houses are about a couple miles from the actual dump site. Frontline learned that the jealousy becomes too great if they begin to help one family and not all of them. Although their goal is to help them all, it is quite the process and so the way to begin taking steps is by moving families to a safer place and then building their new home in that area. CCC's generosity weekend supplied the money needed to make the homes possible. As we drove out to the site, we ran into some transportation issues. The truck that we had been driving overheated and we were stranded by the side of the road. By the time things got repaired the things that they were going to have us do wasn't possible. Instead, we just went by so that we could see the site, pray over it, take some pictures and then take off. I was looking forward to being able to build but at the same time, with the strong heat today and the number of students having some stomach issues I imagine it would have been a rough day. Maybe it was for the better that we couldn't do it.

Tonight starts an evening of blubber fest. Although I am ready to go home and feel like getting on the plane is something I am looking forward to, the students are the opposite. It isn't that I don't like it here, it is just that I am ready to get back home.

The students on the other hand are a mess. Tears have already started to roll. Some would like to burn their passports and others would do anything to spend the rest of their life here. They already looked on-line at the cost of plane tickets for winter break. It reminds me so much of the first time I went to Piedras Negras, Mexico. I was 14 years old and it was my first mission trip. Similar to the students on our team, I spent countless hours with the kids from the community. I thought they were the best friends in the world. They LOVED having us around and they were so sad to see us go. I sobbed like a baby when I had to say goodbye the first time. I remember getting home and starting to make plans immediately for my return trip to Proyecto Amistad.

I am sitting in the girls room writing this blog and listening to the girls talking about leaving. Tears are rolling, and they are talking about how hard tonight is going to be. They are comparing letters that they have written to each of the kids, and they are trying to figure out what the students might write back. In a way I feel bad for them but on the other hand, I really am just thankful that they had such a great experience here.

Over the next couple of days, Tim and I are going to meet with each student one-on-one for a recap of the trip. It is our goal to encourage them in some of the things we have witnessed about each of them personally and then also challenge them about what is next. Based on what the students learned we are going to challenge them to figure out what it looks like once they get home. Hopefully that is our way of holding our students accountable to really making this trip be something that drives them to live out their faith. I am hoping we will hear students who want to go home and serve in their schools, in the community and be a little braver when it comes to sharing their faith. If our students walk away with that desire, I believe we are really going accomplish something big. Tim believes and made a personal mission statement that says "students are the most powerful force in the planet." If we bring back students that are filled with a passion to serve, they are going to be dangerous! I am pretty excited to see that!

Thunder is beginning to roll in (that means it might cool off!). I imagine if I don't publish this entry soon I will loose the touchy Internet connection. Tomorrow we catch a 5 hour flight to Tokyo and then have a 21 hour lay-over. I am hoping we get out for at least a couple hour bus tour but rumor has it Tokyo isn't the friendliest place to visit and everything is really expensive. I am really hoping for some time to at least say I saw the city but we won't really know until we get there. After the long layover it is 13 more hours on the plane and then we touch down in Chicago. (Ironically, we touch down in Chicago the exact same time we left Tokyo... we will be traveling through a time capsule) It's been a good trip but I am ready to touch down in Chicago... sweet home Chicago.

An afternoon of fellowship

Yesterday afternoon we spent the time hanging out with the Frontline staff and families. I think what we were apart of was the Frontline version of leadership community. The afternoon was spent playing volleyball, basketball, a water balloon fight, and some time of sharing and worship. It really was a good time. During the sharing time, Frontline asked us all to get up and share a little bit about our experiences that we have had. I am not sure I have it all processed yet. I am not sure what to make out of the this trip but I do know that I am a huge believer in how this organization works and the things that they do. There is something about mission trips that have a way of humbling the spirit. Coming into the trip I was really tired. It had been such long school year. Between going through Nat'l boards, teaching full time, random school committees/commitments, and working at the church, I was tired and beat. There were so many obstacles to overcome to even get here. There were days, I didn't even know as I wanted to come. To be honest, I just felt like I had nothing left to give and I wasn't excited about putting on a mask and pretending like I did. I just wanted to crawl into a hole for a bit and just enjoy not having to do ANYTHING. I think what I needed to figure out is how to prioritize life a little bit. I need to begin asking myself where my passion really is and then just go after that. I can't go through another year where I allow myself to say yes to so many things.

Jeff Pesina challenged our group and the frontline staff a bit. He asked us a few questions about what we believed and he pushed on to ask, if we truly believe that stuff, why wouldn't we be willing to do some crazy and unexplainable things for God. Why would we let finances, money, and fear hold us back from anything. Why would we let insecurity talk louder than what other people say or believe. I don't know what to make of it all but it made my wheels spin a bit.

Happy Father's Day

Sunday in church Frontline did a special service for father's. Although it was a really nice service, it made me really miss my Dad. I think the icing on the cake is when they made all the Dad's stand up and the mic was passed along to the kids as they sang the song "Hero" by Mariah Carey. I am blessed to have a Dad that I have such a good relationship with.

This trip pulls at the heartstrings a little bit. I have met so many kids that have parents that had kicked them out, abused them, or just let them run off to defend for themselves. I know that I was cared for in so many ways both growing up and now. Mom and Dad, I really appreciate all that you have done for me in my life. Thanks for all the support and encouragement you have given me. Thank you for protecting me, providing for me, and for helping me become the woman I am today.

A day at the green box and then back to the streets

Yesterday we headed back to the green box for some time to hang out with the church out there. We walked around the community to pay some house visits to some of the people that had been attending the crusades for the past couple of nights. If I am honest, I hate doing house visits. It would be cool if I could speak the language or if we had some really good translators but instead we just go there smile and let them stare at us as the Filippino's do all the speaking. Who knows what they say, I just pretend like I understand. At one point we were sitting on the porch of a woman who was sharing some of her story. I was bored because I understood nothing and so my eyes began wondering around the porch. I spotted this huge brown, hairy 8 legged creature that was making it's way towards me on the porch. One of the little kids saw that I had spotted it and decided it would be funny to try and scare the spider in my direction. This beast of a creature started sprinting towards me. I screamed like a little school girl and ran the other direction. Nothing like being the American that can't handle a spider but this thing was so much more than a daddy long leg. It had hair and it had a body that was as big as a golf ball. With legs and all it was bigger than my hand. Eventually the kids killed the thing but then they found it to be funny to run over to us with the legs that they pulled off of the body. The legs continued to move and twitch.

Later that afternoon there was a concert back at the blue box. Our students were able to perform and once again did a fantastic job. The team from frontline has some incredible talent and between their dancing, the band, and their singers, the concert was a huge success.

After the concert we decided to hit the streets of San Pablo once again. This time we had 6 adults and took our 7 oldest students so they could experience some of the life of living on the street. Although the risk was big, I think we thought that it was important for our students to get the full perspective of what FTC (the refuge orphanage) is really doing. It was a good night on the street. We did not get out there until around 9 so most of the kids were already asleep on the sidewalks and in some of the bushes along the streets. We woke them up and offered to get them food. Before the night was done, we had about 30 street kids with us. Some of the kids were the same as the night before but some of them were different. We ran across two of the students who used to live at FTC but have recently run away. Not sure if they will go back but needless to say, I am sure that it made an impact to see them. One kid, Sunny, was curled up on the steps when we came across him. He ran away from FTC a little while ago but left his sister "Bam Bam" (not her real name but what she goes by) at the camp. He took a long time to wake up but when he finally did, it was incredible to see him recognize some of the students who have come here before. We was cool and has the best smile. We bought the kids Shopow and then took them to a bakery where we were able to by bread for them all. (It was about 12am so all the other restaurants were closed by then) For 6 dollars US money, we bought 6 grocery bags full of bread. It was almost like a Mary Poppins bag the way the bread didn't stop flowing out. We had so much bread left over that when we left the kids, they took a couple bags to share with their friends that we didn't find. Before we served the kids the meal, we broke down into small groups. We asked the kids their story and a little bit about what it was like to live on the street. Most of the stories were similar. Some of them sent to live on the streets to beg and were not allowed home until they had money, others were abused physically and sexually and didn't want to be home, some didn't like having to work at home so they left to be with friends, others were left alone because their parents took off. When we asked them if they didn't want to be on the streets anymore most of them didn't want their lives to be different. They didn't want help. One of the kids told us about a guy that was coming around and taking kids. They were scared to trust a lot of people. The way that FTC works now is that if a child wants to come into the camp, they have to go through a government organization to get approval to take them. They used to be able to just bring kids in but now the process is a little tougher. I suppose it is a good thing. After watching the movie "Slumdog Millionaire" I think I would be nervous if any random person could take kids.

Overall the street experience was good. It was a little different than the night before for me personally because I felt like I had to wear my "leader/protector" hat. Instead of just letting myself just engage in the streetkids, I had to be real intentional about surroundings and and be looking first for the safety and protection of our students. If I am honest, I didn't like that role. I wanted to jump in and surround myself with giving 100% attention to the kids but I knew I couldn't. I am thankful for the night I got out into the streets with just the leaders to allow me to really dive in and just immerse myself in the moment.

So much to share.

There is so much that I need to catch you up on. It has been a roller coaster couple of days but there has been some crazy things happening. I will take you day by day.

Thursday-
We spent the day at the garbage dump. Yesterday we had a ton of rain and so with all the standing puddles of water there were flies everywhere. Although I look at the homes there with a different set of eyes after my Manila experience, it still makes me sick to my stomach to be there with that smell, the thousands of flies, and then seeing them bathe, wash clothes, drink and relieve themselves in the same creek of water that sits beneath the pile of garbage. Although it was nice to pass out clothing donations to the family today, I wasn't really feeling like we were doing a whole lot. We went from house to house and each family member got a t-shirt. The t-shirts were old StuCo t-shirts that we had from past events. I think in my mind, and maybe I am wrong, but going to a house with 3 suitcases full of shirts and giving each member only one shirt was an extremely odd feeling to me. I would have much rather given all of the stuff to the pastor from the dump and let him hand them out. I have done a lot of missions stuff before and I think the thing I believe in the most is whenever handouts are given, they should be given from the local church. I don't want to ever distort viewpoints or embellish the idea of the "rich American." We did have the pastor with us, which was great, but because our gift seemed so small, I almost just wanted to give him all of them and just allow him to pass them out without 20 people standing around getting pictures of us handing over our gift. It was 100% genuine but it just sat a little weird for me. Either way, it is good for our students to be apart of giving stuff away. After the clothing handout, we went over to the dump site school and put on a concert for the students. Once again, I was super proud of our students that we brought. They were so good. We set up an amp, drums, electric guitar and few microphones and aside from the singers swallowing a few flies while they sang, all went perfect. At the end of the concert, I had the opportunity to call up the teachers and thank them for the way that they are pouring into the students lives. I got to encourage them as a fellow teacher and then we presented the school with a bunch of school supplies, toothbrushes and toothpaste. We also gave the school a set of baseball bases, a baseball bat and a 16'' softball. After all, every school needs a good softball program :-) Thursday evening I had one of the most nerve wrecking experiences I have had since I have been here. Part of what frontline does is put together tent crusades. These crusades draw hundreds of people and allow them to share the gospel with them. I may show my cards a little too much by writing this but I HATED it. I am not a bullhorn Christian, and if I am honest, I never will be. I don't like the idea of scaring people into a relationship with Christ. It isn't my style nor do I ever want it to be. At the same time, what they are doing out here seems to work. I believe that some people are great at that stuff, and some poeple need that type of outreach in order to encounter God. After all, if it hadn't been for tent crusades, nothing within frontline ministries would have been started. At the same time I am glad we don't do those type of things back home. Anyway, they asked Tim (the other youth pastor) and myself to speak at the event. In reality, I could have said no and it would have been fine but I knew that I needed to stretch myself and share a little. The worst part was that the translators weren't the greatest at English. Basically, I am not sure if what I really said was communicated to the crowd but I guess God will use whatever came across. There was one part of the translation that stirred quite the laughter. I was trying to relate part of my story to the crowd. I said, "if you, like me, came here tonight...." Instead, the translator relayed the idea of "if you like me...." The comma between the you and the like was crucial in that statement. There was a lot of laughter and it wasn't until later that night that it was explained to me what happened. After the testimony, they showed this AWFUL video that presented the gospel. I didn't like it at all. Although I was nice and tried not to laugh too hard, it was a little too much for me when they showed the people screaming and melting as they were surrounded by the flames of hell. I don't want to judge because I believe 100% in what frontline is doing, but it wasn't my cup of tea as far as movies go- not a big fan at the scare tactic. I felt bad for Tim who had to follow up the video with a message. He did a fantastic job! His message was great but once again, I am convinced that the translation was lost. The guy that hopped up to translate came with us on an outing a few days ago and I am pretty sure he knew a total of 20 English words. I felt terrible for Tim but he took it in stride.

Friday-
We took the refuge kids to go ice skating. What an adventure. We went to this huge mall in Manila. Funny how just the other day in Manila the poverty was devastating and then today we went to the other side and went to this HUGE mall that had an ice skating rink in the middle. Who would have thought. The kids were so scared on the skates and it was pretty fun to see them get to try something new. I can't remember the last time I ice skated but I was presently surprised at how I was able to remember how to do it. We then treated the kids to pizza hut (which most of the FTC kids ordered chicken and rice instead of pizza) and spent the afternoon hanging with them. In the evening, Romano (blue box pastor) took Tim and I to see a life group, the churches version of "small groups." It was incredible! The life group took place in something similar to a squatter village near the market. In order to get to the families house, we walked into what appeared to be a small alley. The trench for the waste from the outhouses ran along side us as we weaved through this narrow walkway to get to the back of the village. We weaved around for at least 2 minutes before we got to the end. As we walked back, I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that if a fire started, all the people on the inside would be trapped in. There is no way, all the people would get out, there is just too many people and only one small passageway. We sat on the porch of a home with a group of people that ranged from their 70's to about 5 years old. It was such a beautiful sight and such a real example of what community looks like. The members of the group were all from the village and started coming because of the one couple that lived there. On the car ride over to the group Tim asked what the group had been talking about over the past couple of weeks. Romano shared that he had been spending time talking about prayer and then he talked about the things that he was going to cover that night. When we got to the group, we opened with a word of prayer, one song and then Romano said, "I have brought friends from the United States and they are going to lead us tonight." At this point in the trip, it doesn't seem to faze me anymore. Two weeks ago, I would get frustrated if the announcements or the service flow wasn't communicated for a StuCo service at the yellow box. Now, I think I am just used to the "whatever" type of mentality that occurs out here. I have come to accept that at a moments notice, I have to be ready to do anything. After the life group, Tim was going to give speaking at the crusade another chance and I decided to head back to the blue box to join our youth who spoke at the youth service.
After the youth service, Bob and Vicky (two other adults from our group that are out with their family) Lani (one of the students living at FTC) and myself decided to hit the streets of San Pablo. Lani came to FTC about 3 years ago. She lived out on the streets, used to rely on the glue as a form of inhalants to help her deal with the hunger pains, and had suffered the sexual abuse of male figures in her life. About 3 years ago, Bob was out on a trip the Philippines and him and the others from the group came out to hang out with the street children. Lani had met people from frontline before but like most of the kids on the street refused to go with them to live at the center. Most of the street children don't want help because they know it means that they will have to live with some structure in their life. They don't want the rules, they don't want to go to school and they can't imagine breaking away from the drug addictions that they have. At this point in Lani's journey, something opened up to allow Bob to really work on her heart. Although it took several conversations during Bob's stay, Bob finally expressed to Lani how he had a daughter who was Lani's age. He didn't want to go home and not know if Lani was going to be alright. Lani broke down, her heart softened and she asked for one more night in the streets and then she would return to FTC. Although Bob didn't believe that she was going to make her way to the camp, Lani was showed up when she promised. About a month after Lani arrived, they found out that she was pregnant. Now, Lani is a mature 17 year old mother with the most beautiful little girl I have seen. Bob, Vicky and their family has kept in touch with Lani and they have come out on numerous occasions to visit her. Lani really views Bob and Vicky as a parent figure. It's a neat thing to observe. Lani took Bob, Vicky and I to all the places she used to sleep before she came to the camp. She walked us through her story, explained how she used to get food, shower and stay safe. It was fascinating. We stopped to buy shad pow (a bun filled with rat meat) and talked some more. Lani showed us how to eat the shad pow but I picked at the bun and pretended to eat the meat. There was no way, with all my digestion issues, I was taking the risk of eating this thing. I tried to be polite and although Bob called my bluff, I was alright with being a wimp about this one. Jeff Rice (one of the American missionaries) heard that we were walking the streets and met up with us. We continued to walk and found a group of street kids. They all knew Jeff, or as they say brother Jeff, and we spent some time hanging out with them. All of them were super dirty and they were higher than a kite. The glue smell on them was super strong and their pupils were so dilated it was crazy. At the same time they were soooo loving. You could tell that although they were going to refuse our offer to join FTC, they loved it when brother Jeff showed up. We took them to Jollybee (the local fast food chain) and bought them a chicken and rice meal as a trade for all the glue they were carrying. If they didn't hand over the glue, we wouldn't give them the meal. As we walked into the restaurant, kids started coming out of the woodwork. When it was all said and done, we bought about 15 kids meals and spent about 30 minutes just getting to know them at the restaurant. The kids ranged from a 4 month old, to about 15 years old. My heart has never quite broken so much for a group of kids. It was the weirdest thing, after the meal to just walk away and tell the kids we loved them. Those kids have a choice and unfortunately, they are choosing the streets of San Pablo. They find garbage or scraps of cardboard to pad the sidewalk and they just sleep there all night long. They get raped, they go without food, but yet they choose the streets because it is less structure and they can be with their friends. Once we said our goodbyes and wished them the best, Lani wanted to take us to see Rachel. Rachel was her best friend on the street and also her cousin. Rachel was there the night Bob encouraged Lani to come to FTC. Lani said yes, but Rachel refused the offer. We walked up to Rachel and she was sitting on a bucket at the street corner. She was surrounded by her pimps and a couple other females. You could see all the bones in her shoulders and her eyes couldn't stay focused on us. It is obvious there is quite a bit of brain damage that has taken place due to the drugs she has been using. Lani talked with her for quite a bit. She asked her to stop going with these men and tried to show her how much better her life has become. While we were there Rachel got a costumer. Rachel refused to go and the guy (who was higher than a kite) became super angry with us. He asked us to follow him and we didn't. He came back with a small wrench and asked again. My heart began pounding at this point, and Vicky and I moved closer to Jeff and Bob out of fear. Jeff agreed that we needed to leave and said our goodbyes to Rachel. On one hand, I wanted to get off the streets and back where it was safe but on the other hand, I knew that this 15 year old girl was going to allow this high, disgusting jerk take advantage of her for a measly couple of pesos. It made my skin crawl. I wanted to go back and beat the dirtbag with the wrench. Once we got to a more public place, we caught a trike and headed back to FTC. When we walked through the doors of the camp, my heart looked at the kids so differently. Suddenly each of their stories were so real. The beauty of the camp was shinning a little brighter. These kids really do have hope. They have a chance to become something. As I hugged the kids to say goodnight, I felt this motherly sense stir in me. I was so proud of them. I was proud of them for saying yes to getting off the street and into FTC. At the same time, my heart is broken tonight knowing that there are kids we fed that could face some brutal stuff tonight.

An adult afternoon

Yesterday afternoon Jeff and Whinney took Bob, Vicky, Tim and I into a city about 2 hours away. We let the students stay at the refuge center to hang out with the kids and the adults got some time to be alone for a bit. The town we went to was absolutely mind blowing. The other day, as we went to Manila, Jeff told us that the Philippines is the richest 3rd world country in the world. There is more wealth here in the Philippines than there is in the other places. At the same time, everything we had seen didn't show us that side. The town we visited gave us that other perspective. The town Tanguay (?) sits on the top of a mountain that overlooks a lake created by the volcano. On a clear day, they say the view is breathtaking. Although it was raining and really cloudy what we did see was really nice and I could only imagine how pretty it is on other days. It reminded me of a drive along the blue sky way that we took as a family several years ago. What shocks me about this city is that it isn't all wealthy. There are huge beautiful homes that sit right next to squatter houses. Most areas you have the wealthy neighborhood, with the better schools, nicer stores and then go a couple blocks or the next town and there is the poorer neighborhoods. Here it is all lumped together. As the wealthy home owner walks to the end of his/her gated driveway they look out on homes made out of scraps. You would think that there would be more care for the poor than there is. There is no denying the poor out here. It is right in front of your face but yet it's clear that nothing is being done. In some ways, maybe we are the same. Maybe it is no different in our country. Although there are a lot of things that we are a part of to make a difference with our neighbors maybe in some ways we are just as guilty.

For dinner we went to the cutest coffee shop ever. It was an English pub that was built into the side of the mountain. Walking down the steps was like walking into the rain forest. The flowers were gorgeous, the way the tables were set up in little huts was amazing. We had a chicken pot pie for dinner. Weird that I go all the way the Philippines for my first ever chicken pot pie but it was alright. I am not much of a pie crust person so I wouldn't make a habit of eating them but at this point in the trip there are a lot of things that are tasting good that I normally wouldn't choose.

The way home was quite the adventure. The fog was so bad that you couldn't see more than a foot or two in front of the car. Although the climb of the mountain was full of dangerous twists and turns, the ride down was more excitement then I could handle at times. At times I felt like I was back in Rwanda ready to go off the next cliff. Before one of the curves there was a sign posted that read, "Daddy, we love you please drive carefully." We laughed for quite awhile but then as we drove the curve we realized how dangerous it really was.

It was a great afternoon. I needed some time to just be with adults for a bit.

Pictures and another blog

Pictures are taking too long to upload on blogger. Please visit them on facebook. For some reason it is quite a bit faster to download them there.

Also, visit Tim Raad's blog at www.searching4theapex.blogspot.com As I mentioned earlier, he has a real gift for words. He has done a better job at keeping up to date with the blog and has had more success at being able to connect.

The students have been writing at www.clinkert.com It is encouraging to hear their words.

A difficult morning

Yesterday morning I started out the morning passing out the letters to the students. They were crying as they read encouraging words from their parents and friends back home. To my surprise, one of the students I used to help me collect letters for the other leaders let the cat out of the bag and let them know I was getting letters for them. In return I received a bunch of letters from home. Thank you to all of you who wrote. I really appreciate all of them.

Later we took a trip to the jail to participate in some jail ministry that Frontline is a part of. I Can't say that I have ever been in a jail in the states but I am not sure I have ever had a desire. This jail was filled with the happiest prisoners. I don't get it. I don't know that I would be that joyful living in that prison. Most of the females were there due to some sort of drug use. Most of the males stories are a little more serious but some of them are there just because they don't have the money to take their case before a judge. The men's conditions were much worse then the females. The men were crammed with about 40-50 to a cell. Most of them had to share beds or sleep on the floor. The women were all in one cell but there were only about 30 of them. Each of the students took some time to prepare a devotional, share some of their stories and encourage the ladies of the prison. I was really proud of all our students. Every single one of the students shared. Some of the students shared their own struggles and sins and encouraged the prisoners to let them know that God keeps no records of sins and loves them just the same as He loves those who are not in the jail. Some days these students make me feel like a proud Mom. They are so mature in their faith.

Yesterday afternoon Tim and I were invited to join some of the new interns within Frontline's leadership training class. I have gotten really used to realizing that when they invite you to join something they are really telling you that you need to be ready to "share some words of encouragement." (in other words be ready to say something profound) Although, if you asked me to do that in the context of the school building I would feel more comfortable doing that but there is something that makes me incredibly awkward and scares me when they ask me to share here or within the Christian culture. (Especially when some refer to me as Pastor Debbie.... I am not a pastor... I know we are all called to pastor sheep but you know what I mean) I have told Tim that he is not longer allowed to go first in his sharing. I refuse to follow him. He is incredibly blessed with the ability to just get up there and speak. He doesn't think about it and the things that come out of his mouth are incredible. It's a true gift from God. I am praying that I have one positive experience in that department before I leave. It's not that I want to say something profound for me but I would like that feeling of knowing without a doubt that God is going to speak through me.

I am becoming more and more impressed with Frontline Ministry. They do such an incredible job in so many areas. Not only have they established 2 churches, a child refuge center, a well know school/academy, an international business opportunity, hospital partnerships, and jail partnerships but they are going into the streets of Manila and have started small groups in the garbage dumb to eventually begin their next church sites. They could have stopped with the 1 church or the refuge shelter but they didn't. They continue to strive on to ask what is next and where they need to continue ministering. Nothing is out of the question. They take risks and really live out what it means to truly love God and love people. I am become really thankful for conversations with Jeff Pessina, Max (the pastor of the blue box), Ruel (the green box pastor) and Noriel (the dump site pastor and life groups leader).

Not really sure what my deal is this morning but I feel like I am filled with a pretty heavy heart. I don't really know how to explain it or what the deal is but I really wish I could fix it. In some context one of the most difficult things about this trip is not having people to process some of this stuff with. I have been blessed in having close friends on all my other mission trips. There are other great leaders on this trip but the time isn't appropriate to have those conversations. I am really missing friends right now. I miss having a venting outlet.

At 6 am the frontline interns asked Tim and I to lead them in a morning devotional on John Chapter 3. I was pretty excited that we got time to plan this one. (planning time isn't common here) It's probably the teacher in me, but I like to know I am prepared before I just lead something. We decided to take some time and focus on the first part of the chapter and challenge the interns to think through what it might look like if we really grasped what it would look like if we truly believed in God's love for us. Sounds selfish even to write it but honestly, if I could really believe that and buy into the fact that if I were the only one God would have given his son for me my life would be radically different. If I really got that, I would love people so much more, I would be so much more generous, and I would be so much more confident in the things I feel like God has called me to do. Tim, once again, was used in an incredible way. He had all the interns moved to tears. It was really good.

This afternoon we are headed back to the refuge center to hang out with the kids once they are done with school.

A day in the streets of Manila

Yesterday we spent the day in Manila. Although seeing life at the garbage dump was sad and humbling, there is something about the way people live in Manila that shocks me. I always have said that Haiti is the worst poverty that I have seen, but here in Manila is awful in it's own way. Although people here can get food and there is vegetation for them to grow crops of some sort, there are so many people living in such a small amount of space. Literally, the homes are stacked one on top of another. If someone relieves themselves on the 3rd level, you know all that waste travels down to the two below. It is a massive sea of people. Walking down the road reminded me of the feeling of walking downtown Chicago on the 3rd of July. We warned our group to take off all jewelry, carry nothing in pockets and keep any backpack on the front of them. When I asked on of the frontline staff if I could have my camera around my neck, he jokingly responded, "it depends if the camera is more important, or my neck was more important." Although I kept my camera around my neck the whole day without problem, Tim, another team leader, had a gentleman come up and ask him for a high five. Within seconds the guy had a hold of Tim's wedding ring and luckily Tim was able to clench a fist just in time to save it.

While we were hanging out, there was a young lady who was 14 years old. She had in her arms a child that she delivered less than a week ago. This baby looked so premature. I have seen small babies but never that small. I sat down and talked with her a little. Within 10 minutes, she put the baby in my arms and just sat with me. There is something about children and babies that melt my heart. I sat there and my heart just broke for this little boy. How on earth will he get the nourishment that he needs? Is he even going to survive? I held the baby for probably a good hour. Most of that time I just prayed that somehow, someway that little boy would survive and that he would grow up to know God and help change that community.

The afternoon was spent with different stations that we split the students up in. The kids drew pictures with paper and crayons that we brought. The other station the kids had their feet cleaned. Although hygiene wise it wasn't the cleanest, our students spent the afternoon washing the children's feet and then putting a brand new pair of flip flops on thier bare feet. In most of the cases, the kids didn't have shoes at all. There were some kids that took off their shoes, hid them to the side and wanted the new ones anyway. Either way, it's fine. At the end of the day, all the kids were given a meal of noodles, chicken and rice with a juice box to go with it.

After we served food the community, one of the frontline guys and another frontline lady allowed me to go for a walk around the area. It's pretty funny how much they protect you while you are walking. One walked in front of me and the other walked behind me. Although I never felt too unsafe, I knew there was a fairly big risk that I might loose my camera. What I saw was pretty discouraging. I can't imagine living there and it makes me sick that people have to live like that. Jeff Pasina (the founder of frontline) mentioned that Philippines is a weird country in that there is a significant amount of wealth and a significant amount of extreme poverty. The lower class is huge, the middle class is super small and the upper class is fairly big. The reality of it comes down to politics. Politically there isn't a whole lot being done to fight the poverty in their own country. There are 4 billionaires in this country (supposedly several countries in Europe don't have any) but yet people live like this. The resort area and beaches in the Philippines are beautiful but yet the city looks like this. It makes me really wonder what this world is about.

After we took a couple hours to grab lunch for ourselves and get a little break from the crowds, we headed back to a different baranguy (neighborhood) and passed out the remaining meals and some candy packets. The area that we wanted to go into was a rougher one that we were in before lunch so we make a quick stop at the police station. We learned from them that a couple weeks ago a mission group from Germany came in and tried to pass out food. They made the mistake of going in on their own and within 15 minutes, all of their personal stuff, the meals and everything that they brought was stolen from them. When they asked for the police help after that, there was nothing they could do. We figured we would ask the police to come with us from the beginning. The crowds of people were crazy. It was almost like the beginning of a riot. Upon police recommendation, we made the students stay in the car but he allowed the leaders to get out to take pictures and help distribute food. We opened the back of the truck that the students were in and allowed them to pass out the meals from the end of truck but they were safe from the mob of people. Like an idiot, I walked into the middle of the mob of people to get some pictures. Even though I got pushed, shoved and stepped on, it made me realize the level of need this borungy has. The police tried to keep control for the most part but after 20 minutes, one of the officers demanded that I get in the van, keep the windows closed and get us out. It was an unsettling experience for all of us. In their viewpoint, all they saw was mobs of people pushing and shoving to get by the van. They heard knocking and banging on the truck and they heard Jeff, Tim and Bob on the roof passing out candy. They though the riot was going to tip the truck and is scared them quite a bit. With a van full of tears, these student's hearts began breaking for what they saw in this community. They were angry, frustrated and sickened by the fact that this level of poverty exsists. As much as I hate seeing students upset, it is good for them to see what the world is like. Now I am just praying that as I continue to help them process that experience it doesn't become an "I hate the world" mentality but rather a "what am I going to do about it" mindset. If our team travels 1/2 around the world to hand out food, and minister to kids but then goes home and does nothing to continue serving, I feel like we fail in part of our experience. Serving is a lifelong process, not a 3 week mission trip.

The Green Box

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Today we headed out the the green box. The green box is the second campus of the church out here in the Philippines. Community Christian Church has partnered with the ministry out here and the first site of the church that was launched has already launched a second location. They call the first site the blue box and the second site is now the green box. Funny how our main location back in Naperville has the nickname as the yellow box and now the Philippines has followed suite with calling each of the their locations different colored boxes.

While at the church site, our students went to visit individuals who had just starting attending the church. The students spent some time in their homes visiting with them. Some of the street kids from the orphanage joined us so that they could spend time with us.

The leaders spent the afternoon going to some of the individuals who are really sick or dealing with different struggles.

Later in the afternoon we brought out all the baseball equipment that we brought for the kids. We taught the kids how to use a baseball glove. For most of those children, they have never put a ball glove on in their life. It was a pretty cool experience. I think baseball is a hit out here.

In the evening, our youth joined the Philippine youth group for the youth celebration service.

Sorry, a lot of details and not much depth but there is not a whole lot of time. Hopefully more tonight.

A day at the hospital and orphanage

Yesterday we had a packed day. We took a group of our students to the local public hospital and spent some time meeting with patients and praying for them. It was a very different experience for myself and I am sure for our students. When presented with the opportunity, I struggled and if I am honest, I wasn't really excited about barging into some strangers room. All I could think of is how I would have felt if complete strangers walked into my hospital room back in January. I am not sure I would have loved that, in fact, I am pretty sure I would have asked them to leave. Nothing like being in awful pain and having someone come in who doesn't speak your language. Although the first room was incredibly awkward for me personally, there was something in the eyes of the patients that made me really feel like they were glad we were there. I was so proud of the students. They stepped out on a leap of faith and spent time just loving these people. Billy, a senior at Plainfield South was up to pray for a patient. We walked in and heard that she had a stab wound to her chest. She had tried to take her life. Due to family troubles and financial difficulties, she felt like there was no hope. Although she was healing and doing much better, there was so much pain and hurt in her life. While we were there her and her husband came to the decision that they wanted to begin a journey with Christ. I think Billy expressed it the best when he said, "It was awesome to see that it doesn't matter who we are. I am not the best prayer and I stumbled through what I thought was an awful prayer. Instead God took that and used it in her life and now she has hope. It just shows me that no matter who it is, God can use us if we just say yes."

Today, we took the orphanage kids to the pool. As we got to know these kids stories, I am astounded at what these young kids have gone through. Their stories are crazy. Abuse, drug use, sexual abuse... you name it they have experienced it. Today, I took an incredible amount of joy in watching our students make these kids smile and laugh. Here are some of the snapshots.

We have arrived!

After a 13 hour flight to Tokyo and then a 5 hour flight to Manila, we arrived in the Philippines at about 2am local time. There is a 13 hour time difference between here and home but I think since we slept as soon as we got here we will hopefully adjust really quickly. We have a full day packed. I look forward to writing more this evening.

Just a day away

One more final exam and then I am headed to the airport to catch a plane to the Philippines! It's been a whirlwind the past couple of days but I think I got it all done and I am ready to go. I will keep you updated as much as I can as the trip unfolds. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support. I look forward to what God has in store over the next couple of weeks.